Reflections
On adolescence, identity, and the quiet work of becoming. Thoughts from clinical practice.
Perfectionism is rarely about high standards. It is a defense that formed early in life, when love felt contingent on performance. Understanding where it came from is where something begins to change.
Perfectionism is rarely about high standards. It is a defense that formed early in life, when love felt contingent on performance. Understanding where it came from is where something begins to change.
From the outside, you look like someone who has it all together. From the inside, it feels like the effort never stops. That gap has a name, and most people go years without recognizing it.
You remember who they used to be. The child who ran into birthday parties without hesitating, who raised their hand in class. Somewhere in middle school, that child disappeared.
Parents come to me when their teenager has stopped talking to them. The teenager who used to talk about school, about friends, about what happened that day, now offers almost nothing.
Your teenager's anger has become the loudest thing in the house. Most explanations stop at hormones and the developing brain. Those are real, but they do not tell you what the anger is about.
Something has shifted in your teenager, and you can feel it even if you can't name it. The warmth that used to come easily has been replaced by silence, a short fuse, or feelings that seem out of proportion to whatever just happened. Here's what it actually means.
What Causes Perfectionism and How to Loosen Its Grip
Perfectionism is rarely about high standards. It is a defense that formed early in life, when love felt contingent on performance. Understanding where it came from is where something begins to change.
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